ella letter 4 year old

4 year old Ella is a straight shooter.

Once you wanted to take soft soft (flannel pajamas) with you to bed, but your hands were too full with other stuff, that you were also taking to bed. You looked at me, barked 'carry them for me'. Turned and led the way. 

Once you went to bed without your soft soft, when I reminded you, you turned around on the stairs (arms full of toys), closed your eyes, leaned back, wailed with your high clear voice 'meeemeowwmaameow', looked at me, barked 'Carry them for me!" As I was picking them up, you noticed Mimi coming upstairs with a basket. You pointed at the basket, barked 'put them inside!' Mimi happily said 'oh I help you carry upstairs'. I put the pajamas in, and Mimi carried them up. 

Once you ordered me to sing twinkle twinkle little star with you. After we sang a verse, you said 'hmm we need to sing by the blinds'. We went to the blinds and sang a few verses, then you said 'hmm we have to look outside the window while singing.' So we looked outside the window and sang. After a few verses you came to stand beside me, started petting my hair while singing.

Lao lao had breast caner this year :( When I told you about it, you asked 'after she dies, where will you bury her?'. Not 'if' she dies, 'after' she dies. And the answer is to spread her ashes in the water at mud bay. Lao lao loves nature, especially bodies of water.

4 year old Ella is considerate. 

Once we were playing play dough. You suddenly started crying anxiously and said everyone else took all the play dough. Baba said you could have his, and left his decorated cookie to you and went away. You started saying you wanted to make baba's piece into a star, but refused to put it into the mold. You said 'I can't use someone else's or I'm afraid I'll die'. Baba said from faraway you could mold it. You said 'no, he doesn't know, I can't use his'. I urged you to go to baba. You walked with determination, one hand holding the cookie, the other swinging back and forth, in 45degree angles, all the way around to the other side of the room where baba was, and asked again. Baba agreed again. You stood still. After a bit of silence, you said 'I am too shy', and lowered your head to look at the play dough in your hand. Baba offered to ball it up, you agreed. After receiving the ball you came back to the play table happily and made a star. 

There's a series of books you love about T-Rexs. One of them is about a maiasaura and a T-Rex she raised. The T-Rex eventually met his dad and left with him, never to return to the maiasaura. You cry every time when the T-Rex goes away. You say you cry because all the dinosaurs are died now :(

Once you wanted to look at photos on my computer and accidentally terminated my uploading. I lost my temper (really badly) and yelled at you (with extra insults). You sat at your table, lowered your head and covered your ears. I demanded you apologize. You shook your head slightly and stayed silent. Usually you'd come kiss me when I got mad. I realized I was too harsh. I apologized. You leaned into my arm and mewed. We cuddled while you mewed. Thank you for forgiving me!

I've told you about wanting my own time in the evening. One night you asked me to help you go potty. On the potty you said 'my tummy hurts. When I can endure, I won't call for you. I only call for you when I can't endure'. You took a big shit in the duration of one minute. You really had been enduring!

4 year old Ella is fun.

You can do so much now! You mix flour when I bake, you cut cookies in fairly regular sizes, you can pick wild berries without the vines slashing you, you make up stories with Mimi for hours, you use the mouse proficiently and explored all of lao ye's programs (OK this and most things in this letter happened after you turned 4, but close enough! Most of this happened while we're at lao lao's, since lao lao's babysitting is the secret to me getting anything done).

At night after you potty, you can send yourself back to your room, close the baby gate, and tuck yourself in. The first few times when you tried to put up the baby gate, you tried so precisely to stand it so that both sides touched the door frame with equal distance sticking out. You sounded infinite little En, en?s, with your head turned left and right infinite times to check your balance. Finished with letting go in extreme slow motion. Sometimes after putting up the gate you found yourself on the other side of the door. You'd stand up straight and bark 'lift me in!'. After a few times you figured out you could open one corner of the gate and sneak in. After the discovery you loved putting yourself on the other side of the door then sneak in.

You started to copy letters. After practicing for months with baba consistently every morning. We read a book where there were two buildings on a page. One was labeled 'dude ranch', the other 'bank'. The next day you showed me a drawing excitedly. You drew a house and wrote 'bank' on it! Mimi leaned over and asked what you wrote, you exclaimed "Dude ranch!". 

I'm entertained by your little discoveries. 山 looks like an upside-down E. 5 looks like a S. Every time you try my tea you sound a little 'hmmm' with different tones. 

You've graduated from Peppa pig to Japanese anime. Looking forward to binge watching together!

4 year old Ella is cuddly.

In the mornings you wake me up by rubbing your palm on my cheek furiously, while saying 'muuuuu zuuuuu', with a furious face. If I woke first, I'd often find you in your room awake. You'd greet me with a little meow / mu. We can cuddle forever. 

Once you argued with Mimi and went upstairs to time yourself out. After a few minutes of silence, I found you in your bed asleep, with your hand under your cheek of course. Your sleepy face is the cutest thing.

4 year old Ella is working out her relationship with 4 year old Mimi. And it's the most fun thing to watch.

You and Mimi do this thing where you take turns telling one sentence at a time and make up a story as you go. This process had ended in many fights, with either of your faces scratched up like a few raccoons attacked you. There had also been scissor stabbings and continuous head banging by various instruments. This process also ended in many hours of self play while baba and I chilled. And many interesting stories taking you around the universe (peeing or making a mess), to boba boy (making a mess or peeing), to castle and forests (making a mess and finding various people and animals peeing).

You get so offended when Mimi doesn't want to play your game. Not putting the block where you want her to put it, not continuing a story in the direction you want it to go. You've started to respect Mimi's choices. Once Mimi didn't want to run a tea shop in the bathtub, so you told me you wanted to wait for her turn to be over before taking yours. You diligently waited half an hour. You then invited Mimi to your tea shop and happily played together.

You're learning to depend on each other. Once Mimi hurt her knee playing outside. She insisted you give her a band aid. She said 'mama you can go back to work, during the day sister takes care of me, you can come back in the evening'. (It was a Saturday) You got a band aid and patched her up. Soon after you fell and hurt your hand. You walked to Mimi and asked her to heal you. Mimi looked at it and gave it a little brush. You jabbed your hand at her again. Mimi hesitated, then put her hand on top of it, back to back. You said 'I'm healed now, because our hands touched'.

You always wait for each other to finish eating main course / finish homework, to eat dessert together. And you always share your desserts with each other. Even when it didn't make sense, switching bites on the same chocolates don't yield any difference. But you seem to enjoy sharing with each other so much, baba and I have to share with you too.

4 year old Ella helps mama be a better person.

You can express your feelings better now. When I hurt you you can tell me 'you don't love me'. I need to practice constructive criticism and mindfulness. I need to practice teaching you skills in little incremental ways, be patient, not discouraged by regressions. It's the same skills I need at work, except you're forever forgiving unlike my coworkers. 

I'm dreading the day when you stop saying 'you don't love me', when you don't care if I love you or not. You're already spending a lot of time without me, you have your own projects, drawing, building, reading. You like my company but don't need me to entertain you, and I don't feel the need to take care of you as much. 

I've got to think of new ways to attract you to spend time with me. I've learnt a lot about dinosaurs and planets to attract you and it's working :) I love hearing you say 'mama told me' this and that when you talk to others, like 'mama told me Neptune is dark blue', 'mama told me triceratops eat plants', and things I didn't actually say, like 'Mama told me Neptune's storm only blows away bad people'. You say them so matter of factly, like I actually knew my stuff. I hope I make you proud. I know you'll grow into an interesting person, I hope I stay interesting to you too. I've got to learn more and work harder, you've already taken interest in this 'Microsoft' thing and what happens there, so I better work hard and have good stories for you. I hope to share more life stories with you!